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Communicating when you have ADHD is harder than it looks
Here are some of the ways ADHD makes communicating and interacting with others harder than it looks.
Listening requires a lot of effort. Staying present in a conversation, tracking the threads of topics, and suppressing the impulse to interrupt is draining.
You can't find the word you need when conversing in spite of your rather extensive vocabulary. ADHD affects working memory and creates retrieval failures (add brain fog to that and Oy!)
Tone is hard to read and hard to control. ADHD affects the way emotion is expressed. You can come across as flat, too intense, or just emotionally mismatched (like my examples above).One of the reasons we fly under the radar is because we've been forced to get really good at masking and over compensating to seem “normal” and “successful”. Quite the catch 22. (continued)
Hidden ADHD Symptoms in Women
Doctors (including many psychiatrists) who go through years and years of studying often don't know that ADHD looks different in women or they know the text book explanation but not what it actually LOOKS like in real life.
Though I've seen improvement over the past decade, ADHD women are still being overlooked. Our symptoms are hidden in plain sight.
One of the reasons we fly under the radar is because we've been forced to get really good at masking and over compensating to seem “normal” and “successful”. Quite the catch 22.
One of the best things you can do as a woman with ADHD is to learn what ADHD looks like for you and what symptoms you experience.
After all, how do you work with or take control of something you don't understand?
So, Let's take a look at some of the most commonly overlooked signs of ADHD in women (How many do you relate to?).
A Strategy for Those Harder Than Usual Days.
As a woman with ADHD in my forties, my hormones, moods, energy levels, mental clarity, and ADHD symptoms feel more unpredictable than ever.
This means that I have more and more days that blindside me with challenges. Days that feel extra hard for no apparent reason.
So what do you do when you never know what surprise, grab bag of symptoms you're going to get from day to day? What do you do with that unpredictability?
You bring the predictability. You create a set of rules or guidelines for days like this. A strategy of simplicity, intentionality, self compassion, and self care for these surprise days.
So what does this look like in real life?
Well today is a perfect day for me to give you a glimpse into what this looks like fore me because today has been rough my friends.
At first I was on autopilot and letting my brain ruminate on how hard things feel and how I should be doing more and doing better than I am.
When I noticed this spiral of decent into despair and defeat…
I paused and breathed in deeply and reminded myself that I knew what to do in times like this. Here’s what I did…
ADHD and Perimenopause and Menopause
Perimenopause and menopause can throw any woman for a loop but add to that worsening and/or changing ADHD symptoms and you've got quite the adventure on your hands.
Perimenopause and menopause can worsen ADHD symptoms due to falling estrogen levels and estrogen plays a major role in the brain chemicals connected to attention, motivation, memory, and emotional regulation — especially dopamine.
Because of this, many women reach a point where the systems, routines, and coping strategies that used to work suddenly stop working.
And the brain fog, changes in your physical body and appearance, fatigue, emotional dysregulation, overwhelm, and more, can be extremely defeating.
The narrative in your mind can become quite disempowering which only adds to the struggle.
But it's important that you know that you're not failing, lazy, or broken and it doesn't mean that you have to be resigned to an unhappy, unfulfilling life.
So what can help? Read on…
Reduce Emotional Pain and Calm Your Brain in Seconds
Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman found that doing this one, simple thing can quickly reduce emotional pain as effectively as traditional painkillers can reduce physical pain. I gave it a try and was pleasantly surprised.
They’re ADHD Symptoms not Character Flaws or Weaknesses
When you have ADHD but live in a neurotypical society and can’t do things the “normal” way, you see your symptoms as character flaws instead of what they really are, information. Signs and indicators of a brain difference. Seeing your symptoms as personal defects leads to feelings of shame, defeat, overwhelm, anxiety, frustration which keeps you stuck and leads to burn out.. But when you stop making your symptoms mean that somethings wrong with you, you can become a witness of them and get curious about what they’re telling you.
ADHD and That Constant, Rushing Feeling
Sometimes ADHD can make you feel like you’re being chased by an invisible “tag” partner—even when you’re sitting still. It’s that sensation of someone right on your heels… except there isn’t anyone. There’s no game. No danger. And yet your body acts like something bad is going to happen. This rushing isn’t the same as having energy. In fact, many people feel it while they’re exhausted. It’s not momentum—it’s trapped activation. A nervous system stuck in “go-go-go” with nowhere to go. So, why the heck does this happen? And what are some simple, realistic ways to soften that inner speed? Let’s get into it…
ADHD Is a Serious Disorder. Here’s what it feels like to me…
Despite all of the jokes and what many people think, ADHD is a very serious disorder that creates challenges in all areas of life. Here’s a personal journal entry of how ADHD makes me feel.