Communicating when you have ADHD is harder than it looks
I've been hyper aware of one of my ADHD symptoms lately. It seems to keep popping up more during conversations or other interactions with people and I'm not sure why.
Let me tell you about it and why it's got me thinking about the many ways communicating with ADHD can be harder than it looks.
The symptom I've been alluding to first came to my attention a couple of weeks ago when I was with my family and I laughed at a volume that was way out of proportion to the situation.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a hearty laugher to begin with but it was LOUD. So loud that my kids stopped everything, looked at me weird, and then laughed at my laugh.
A couple of days ago I was on a walk with my husband (Mother nature's been showing off here in Ohio with gorgeous weather:) and I was just yammering on in a cheerful but disorganized fashion, as I do when my ADHD meds have worn off, and I noticed my voice get elevated out of no where.
It was abrupt and noticeable and I think I even startled a poor dog as it, and its owner, walked past us.
But I digress…
I've also noticed this dysregulation of volume when I get startled. My daughter jumped out and scared me recently and a scream escaped me that was louder and longer than usual. I couldn't turn it off. I just kept screaming without control.
And in general, I just notice my voice getting louder than usual more and more often during conversations.
I've taken all of this in stride and it's been quite humorous but ADHD can present real challenges when trying to communicate and interact in our day to day lives.
Here are some of those ways. Do you see any of this crop up in your life?
Listening requires a lot of effort. Staying present in a conversation, tracking the threads of topics, and suppressing the impulse to interrupt is draining.
You can't find the word you need when conversing in spite of your rather extensive vocabulary. ADHD affects working memory and creates retrieval failures (add brain fog to that and Oy!)
Tone is hard to read and hard to control. ADHD affects the way emotion is expressed. You can come across as flat, too intense, or just emotionally mismatched (like my examples above).
You over explain. Texts that are as long as a book, over explaining a situation, and a full reconstruction of events while apologizing are ways to ensure you're not misunderstood and hurt as you have been in the past.
You doodle or play a mindless game on your phone while someone is talking to you because it actually helps you focus on their words, in spite of what it looks like.
Blurting out random things. Sharing very personal things (TMI) or topics that are totally different than the current conversation because of impulsivity and rapid thinking.
It's not difficult to see why these things, and more, can make communicating a challenge and exhausting. (Relative to its small size, our brain uses a ton of energy. Around 20%)
It can lead to misunderstandings, avoidance of important conversations, mistrust of self, shame, and more.
If you are struggling with any of this please remember that this is only one side of the coin. Our struggles are often tied to strengths.
You may over explain, but you're a great story teller.
You may blurt out random things, but they're often hilarious, make people laugh, and create levity.
Your impulsivity and rapid thinking make you great in emergencies and when quick decisions and critical thinking in big life circumstances is needed.
You may not be able to recall words all the time but when you do find the right words, they are beautifully said and reach people at a deep level.
I encourage you to bring more attention to this side of the coin. It is far more important than the other.
Your more primal brain will always point out the “negative” more easily so we have to be intentional about reminding ourselves of our strengths while also learning to work with and around the challenges.
I have an exact formula and process that I've been using for over 5 years to help women with ADHD understand their brain, take control of their lives, and live in a way that works for them.
If you'd like to experience coaching in a free mini session and leave with 3 next steps unique to your life, you can book it HERE.
Always rooting for you!
Jody